A Fresh Start • May
It's not the start of a new year, but it certainly feels like the start of a new chapter in my life - new habits, new goals, new boundaries, and a newfound sense of purpose and contribution beyond just my job. I've got a far more complete sense of the woman I've become, and feel wiser for what I've come through and learned.
Last year, when my job started to have more bad days than good, and apathy became the norm - I lost myself. I was in survival mode, crying almost daily, and simply wanting to block out the feelings of being trapped and unhappy. I'm ashamed to admit that my coping strategies involved excessive amounts of alcohol and treating my body like a trash can, eating whatever I wanted without regard to consequences. By the end of 2016, I felt like a walking zombie, utterly unrecognizable to myself and the woman I know myself to be. I knew that something had to change. It was the trip to Nicaragua that brought me back, along with the decision to quit my job and take a chance on a new beginning.
It's been a process of reinvention and adjustment to try and create "the new normal." I have given up alcohol. I pay attention to food and view it now as sustenance and fuel rather than comfort. I've got a ways to go to get my immune system back, but I have placed enormous importance on sleep and adequate rest - something I used to downplay and pretend like it didn't apply to me. I paid a price for that, but am making my way back to wellness.
I used to be a relentless people-pleaser, but even that has changed now. I've created boundaries where none existed before, and care a whole lot less about what anyone thinks as I know and like the woman I am.
I feel joy again and remember what it's like to laugh again every day. That has been the best part of this new chapter, as I've realized how fundamental joy and laughter are to my experience of life. I don't think anyone ever actually "arrives" at mastery when it comes to life, but rather it's a daily journey of renewal and learning - and remembering how precious the time is that we are granted.
Peace & Blessings,
Inspiring others to live inspired lives
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