Letting go • May 2015
It is exactly 4 weeks until Tough Mudder. I love this event. It's a little bit nuts, but I love the spirit of it, the camaraderie, the challenges, and the person I am when I'm training for it. It brings out the best in me.
I started training back in March and felt pretty great about my training schedule, working with a movement coach (the one and only Sarah Jamieson!) to prevent injuries, and was feeling strong & fit - until I felt the sore throat coming on at the end of April, right before I was leaving on vacation. I spent almost the entirety of my trip to Palm Beach in my hotel room with a fever, and generally feeling like I had been run over by a train. I survived the plane ride back and have spent the past 3 weeks stuck indoors feeling sick & weak, dealing with an assortment of nasty virus symptoms with little to no relief.
As the weeks have worn on and I've watched my energy and strength deteriorate, I've started to question whether or not I will physically be able to participate in Tough Mudder at all this year. We have 11 people on "Team Diabadass"(2 of whom are even flying in to join us!) and so much anticipation leading up to this epic event - I would be heartbroken if I couldn't join in all the fun. The reality is, however, that I'm still not 100% and have a long way to go before I'd feel ready to even get to the starting line.
I have cried tears of frustration over the timing and duration of this illness - and just when I have started to feel a bit better, I'm knocked down again. Whatever it is that has been attacking my body, it has been nasty and I don't recall ever being down for the count for this long in my adult life.
What can I do? I've been asking myself "What can I learn from this? Where is the lesson? How can I release myself from these bonds of disappointment and find some peace?"
Last night, the answers started coming.
This whole situation doesn't mean anything except the meaning that I give to it - so I need to quit my whining & snivelling and be proud of all the effort I've put in, and then let the chips fall where they may. I will either be getting muddy with my teammates, or I will be the loudest and most enthusiastic cheerleader in the spectator ranks! It's up to me to make it fun either way.
The learning continues on this journey of life. It's not always pretty, but it's up to me to find the grace and go with the flow. Thank you everyone for your prayers and kind words of support. I hope to be back in action again soon!
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