A New Kind of Energy                                                                   August 2010

As I think about turning 39 this month and the experiences of the last year, I marvel that absolutely nothing has gone according to plan - and yet somehow I feel like now, more than ever, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

The past 6 months brought a series of new hormonal health challenges that impacted every part of my life, and an injury sidelined me from participating in activities that I love. Depression set in. Seriously - ME - depressed?? The idea of that just seemed absurd. But I didn't know why I didn't feel like myself or why I felt so irrationally unstable at certain times of the month, and tired all the time. Only after much investigation and trial and error with multiple doctors and lots of blood tests have I at last found some semblance of normalcy. The "real Sandy" is back!!!

I cannot begin to describe how happy I am to finally feel like ME again! Dealing with so much uncertainty and being unable to control my emotions (all over the map!) was embarrassing and beyond frustrating - like some kind of science experiment gone bad, wondering on any given day whether Ms. Jekyll or Ms. Hyde was going to show up. Aaaaaargh. But it forced me to slow down, wipe the calendar free of plans, and simply focus on me until I could figure out what was going on. I needed that.

I have come to appreciate the value of stillness and rest. Though my personality remains one of great enthusiasm and playfulness, I feel drawn toward also developing a more peaceful state of being and a spiritual practice as a way of expanding who I am and showing up more powerfully. Still silly and excitable, of course (some things never change!), but more grounded.

So, for my birthday adventure this year, I'm trying something new: a meditation retreat! I have no idea what to expect, but the intent is to learn how to quiet the mind. However it goes, it will be a new experience, in any case!

What I'm committed to over the next year, as I prepare to hit the big 4-0, is taking care of my mind, body, and spirit. Just writing it down already feels like a shift, so who knows where all of this will take me? All I know for sure is that I'm not making any plans ;)

Cheers to new discoveries, vibrant health, peace and love...